I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
