I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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