I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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