For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
