why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
