So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
