Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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