Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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