Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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