Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
