just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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