just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
