like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
