i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
