just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
