I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
