I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Randomize
