i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
