If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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