I'm going to jail i love you
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
