I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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