im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
