Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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