Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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