He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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