I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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