Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
