I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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