No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
