Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
