i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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