I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
