I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
