tell your sister to shave her snatch
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
