I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
