Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
