did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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