Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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