It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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