your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
His nipple licking is glorious
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