So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
