peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just invented taco cereal.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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