And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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