you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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