dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
