Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
