He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
