So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
