Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
