I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
