cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
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