We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
