Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
