please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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