She announced her abortion via fbk
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
