An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
