If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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