I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
