He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
