PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
