Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
